Horsey Wedding

What is more romantic than a horse-drawn carriage ride or two lovers riding a horse into the sunset for a fairytale photo shoot? Well, just about everything, but a horse scenario I’d prefer to either of those is a gang of horses invading a pre-wedding party on the beach. That is exactly what happened last weekend when my brother got married in Maryland. All the guests were enjoying the festivities when the horses swaggered in, ate the chips, marshmallows, and chicken, and then made a puddle of piss at the food and drink station. They didn’t move on until a park ranger came and kicked sand at them. When asked how she held such power over the wild horses, the park ranger said the horses recognized her uniform. Perhaps if we had wanted to be left alone, we should have all dressed up like park rangers.

The horses left and came back, more confident this time, knowing that the most we would do was stand back and take videos on our cell phones. Some guests followed the park ranger’s example and kicked sand at the horses, to absolutely no effect. My new sister-in-law’s father, who is hard of hearing, confronted the horses, armed with a foldable chair and a sausage on a skewer. Despite some people calling for him to stop and let the horses pillage and plunder, Katie’s dad continued to try to be the hero. I’ve never been so afraid for someone’s safety, yet so amused at the same time.

At the beginning of the party, my only concern had been lightning and bugs, not lightning bugs, but actually being struck by lightning and being mobbed by bugs. My hair, as well as other guests’ hair, was sticking straight up, a bad sign that we were susceptible to being struck by lightning. Then my cousin Tammie, who I hadn’t seen for over thirty years, showed up and I had such a good time talking with her that I disregarded my previous concern of getting hit by lightning. Then the horses invaded and I stared dumbstruck, forgetting all about lightning and bugs. Fortunately, the bugs weren’t too bad and we all left the party with a great story to tell.

For the wedding ceremony I was a bridesmaid, an honor I’d never experienced before. Katie looked gorgeous and my brother looked like a handsome 1950s milkman in his all-white suit. For the photos, we donned horse masks, which along with the wind, messed up my perfectly coiffured bridesmaid’s do. Although the wind messed up my hair and whipped my dress around, it created a nice wind-swept goddess look for the bride. The waves crashing in the background also looked spectacular and I am looking forward to seeing how the professional photos turned out.

This was the best, most entertaining, most meaningful wedding I’ve ever attended/taken part in. I had a great time and it was well worth the thirty hours of flying and six hours of driving it took to travel from Kuwait to Maryland and back. I have since returned and am still recovering from jet lag, not to mention exhaustion from all the horsing around.